I often find myself struggling with something that I am not really sure how to put into words and I am also not too sure that there is an answer to in this life. Josh, my husband, is often saying to me that he doesn't know why I can't just sit back and let the adoption process take its' course. Well, I feel that I do this, to a certain extent and then I feel like I want to be doing something to make things happen.
This is where my struggle comes in, not just with the adoption, but with other things in my life. How do you know when you are taking too much control of a situation and not letting God have control of what happens for you? I know that I pray daily for God's plan to play out in our lives and I know that I have learned recently to go to Him whenever I am considering a big decision in our life. I always pray that what happens for us will be His will and not mine and happens in His time and not my time.
But then, I think... well, God gave us a brain and the intelligence to do things on our own. I am reminded of the funny email that circulates from time to time about the man in the flood who was waiting on his roof for God to save him. He passed up all the obvious opportunities that God sent his way to save him, i.e. the boat, the helicopter and as he was drownding, he asked God "Why are you letting me die... I asked you to save me!" God replied to him that he sent every means possible to save him and he refused the help, so what was He supposed to do. This makes me struggle with wanting to know if the things that come to me concerning adoption are from God and if I should follow them or just sit back, let go, and let God. What's the difference there?
I may be rambling throughout this entire post and you may have no idea what I am talking about. This is just a hard time, waiting for our baby through adoption. I guess that's because we have our homestudy completed, and now I am finding it hard to just sit and wait on the phone to ring. Is that what I am supposed to do or am I supposed to be getting out there and working to help the process? Or, maybe a little of both? And, how do I get my husband to see that I am not rushing things, just trying to follow God's plan to bring a baby into our lives?
Pray for us. Help me to see the difference between letting go and letting God, and doing somethings on my own.
Also, I've got some pics of Lilly's birthday party and Easter coming soon. Sorry I haven't posted pics in a long time.
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5 comments:
Anna Leigh,
I know exactly what you are talking about and I think about that same silly email too! But you just have to remember that God has the child that you are going to adopt picked out already! So if it makes you feel better to get in there and be active instead of sitting and waiting then by all means go for it! You will get the child he has picked out for you anyway! :-) I hope that doesn't make it sound trivial. I can't wait to see the time you get to post that your phone did ring! I know you are ready for that to happen to! Imagine the magic of that day! :-) God already knows exactly when that will happen!
~Mk
Mary Katherine,
Thank you so much for your kind comment. You did not make the process sound trivial at all! In fact, you said just what I needed to hear... that no matter what I do, God is going to open the doors necessary to make His plan (the baby for us) work in His time. You are right!! He already knows exactly what will happen!
Thanks again!
Anna Leigh,
You are not alone! This is something I'm sure we all struggle with. When it comes to knowing whether or not we are trying to control too much I think it's a matter of the heart. Deep down we know our hearts and their desires. Although He places a desire in our heart, we must remember His timing is also perfect. Ecc. talks about there being a time for everything. This is so hard for us especially when we desire something so much and live in a world of instant gratification. But, it's not God's timing that is imperfect, but our understanding. And the Bible warns...'to lean not in our own understanding'. If we search our heart and realize the real reason we want to take control is because we aren't trusting or He isn't moving fast enough- then maybe we need to take a step back. If we are taking control because He opened a door for us- then I'd say step on through! :)
I'll be praying for you. Thank you for sharing this process. I know it's exciting and difficult at the same time.
Thanks for your sweet comment. I am enjoying being a Mom so much.
I think about y'all a lot because I know that this is such a tough time of waiting for your family but can you imagine the feeling of love you will feel when they hand you that baby? And knowing that there was a woman out there that was so selfless to give her child the opportunity for a better life or even life at all! :-) Adoption really is a wonderful thing!
Also, I am really enjoying the blogging thing. I thought that I would not like it but so far it has been kind of fun. I am hoping that when I get done with my blog (whenever that is) I am going to try to use blurb to make it into a book. Not sure if you have heard of that or not.
~Mk
Yes, I can relate! I will be praying for you to have wisdom and be able to know what the Lord wants for you!
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